Runtime: 1 Hour
and 45 Minutes
Just in case you were wondering: this movie is not as good as "Jaws".
I know that is a shocking discovery, but sooner or later we all have
to face up to these unpleasant facts of life and it's better that
you hear this from me before it is too late.
From the plot you should know that this film is garbage. A group of
scientists (who have obviously never seen the movie "Jaws",
read the book or even watched the Discovery Channel) want to bring
about a cure for Alzheimer's. Of course, they experiment on animals.
But what animals do they choose to experiment on? Why, sharks, naturally.
The film makes up some B.S. excuse as to why this is feasible, but
if you are anything like me, you will be laughing too hard to pay
attention. Of all the animals on Earth that could be chosen to make
smarter, I would say that sharks would just about be at the bottom
of my list. But, you know, I never went to Fake Movie Science School.
There is only one reason that a movie like this exists and that is
shark attacks. The sharks attack, people scream, someone gets munched.
Sharks attack, people scream, someone becomes dinner. Routine, really.
And, of course, the film can't be bothered enough to actually make
us care about the people on the smorgasborg. In "Jaws"
the reason we get so uneasy whenever a main character goes on the
beach is because we care about them and we don't want them to end
up as a slick of blood floating atop the water. I like Roy Scheider
and don't want to see him end up as chum, for example. But any of
the characters in "Deep Blue Sea" could easily pass through
the bowels of a Great White and I wouldn't flinch. In fact, I had
a running list of people I WANTED to see become late lunch for the
CGI sharks. Especially L.L. Cool J as a born again Christian with
a foul-mouthed parrot. Oy!
But lame characters aren't the only thing this movie has. Oh no, there
are lots of other faults on display here. The effects are cheesy.
The situations are never resolved all that cleverly, or in a way that
distinguishes this movie from any Direct-to-Video piece of crap. The
dialogue is only sporadically horrible. But when it is, oh brother,
is it ever. I can't walk through the aisles at the video store and
see this movie without thinking of the line "You ate my Bird"
and breaking into gales of mad laughter.
But this movie isn't entirely awful. Despite itself, there are some
genuine surprises along the way and one or two moments generate tension
despite themselves. And at least the movie knows that it's a B-movie
and nothing more, but it doesn't have quite as much fun with this
knowledge as movies like "Warlock" or "Tremors"
have. And it does have a scene in which a very attractive British
girl strips down to her skivvies to avoid being eaten (I don't exactly
know how that works, but hey, she's almost naked, so who cares?) so
I have to acknowledge that at the very least. This movie doesn't pretend
to be a great movie. It just aspires to the level of dumb fun. Think
of it this way: sometimes you are in the mood for a lobster bisque
or caviar.... and sometimes you just want a Twinkie. Well, folks,
this is one stale Twinkie.
But still: if you want dumb fun you could do a lot better. If you
want a B-movie that actually excels to the level of greatness, you
could check out "Tremors"
and make yourself very happy. And if you want to see a movie about
shark attacks, well.... Renny Harlin or Steven Spielberg? Who do you