A Fistful of Reviews - How The Grinch Stole Christmas! (2000)

Rated: PG
Runtime: 1 Hour and 44 Minutes

Reviewer: Dale
Grade: F

A few years back, Jim Carrey did another movie sorta like this one. It was another movie where he wore green makeup and was outacted by a dog. That movie was known as "The Mask". The only difference between that one and this one is that "The Mask" was actually good.

The only question I had while watching "The Grinch" was Why? Why did they waste all this money on a story that had already been told immaculately in a half-hour cartoon by animation maestro Chuck Jones? Why rape Dr. Seuss's beloved book? Why add a stupid subplot explaining why the Grinch hates Christmas? Why make the fucking movie at all? Why?
WHY? WhY? Why? Why?Why? WHY? Why waste an hour and a half of my time and God knows how much of the director and the producer and Jim Carrey's time on this monstrosity? Why does Anthony Hopkins have anything to do with this misguided misuse of resources? It boggles my mind. I can almost explain why bad things happen to good people, but I can't for the life of me figure out this one.

Oh, wait. Maybe I can after all. I think it was money. Pure and simple. A shitload of it, in fact. And that is too bad. No one is going to learn a lesson from this. This movie has made a ton of money at the box office and will probably go on to earn millions more through toy and happy meal and tie-in merchandise and video sales. And that is too bad. Because that means that the American public will be fed more insults to their intelligence as grossly inane and mentally damaging as this one.

What don't I like about it? There are so many things that I scarcely know where to begin. First of all, you're a rotten Mr. Grinch, Jim Carrey. He tries, I give him that. But he tries way too hard. His performance is oddly miscalculated and is generally more annoying than funny.
He has a moment or two of comic inspiration, but when stretched over an hour and a half of movie, that just ain't gonna cut it. The Grinch's faithful dog Max (poor dog never asked to be in this movie) is a better performer than nearly anyone else in the movie. Cindy Loo Who isn't that bad. Yes, she has moments of insufferable cuteness, but at least she isn't as awful as Carrey, who mugs relentlessly and to no effect. I thought that Carrey was done with all this after his brilliant roles in "The Truman Show" and "Man on the Moon". He deserved Oscars for those two. He deserves to be tarred and feathered for this one. Compared to this one, his talking out of his ass in "Ace Ventura" was restrained and subtle.

Another problem: the Whos. I hated the Whos. No wonder the Grinch hates them. I wish he would have rode into town with an Uzi and dispatched them all, rather than just taking their presents. As it is, they suffer too gentle a fate. They are ugly, mean-spirited, immensely and insultingly stupid (if there were actual Whos in the world, they would be lining up to picket this film) and greedy. They are also as easily swayed as sheep. They follow their asshole of a mayor no matter what he tells them. Sure, they hop on Cindy Loo's side during the movie, but they seem to follow anyone who tells them anything, so one wonders just how long their changed ways are going to last. In this movie, the Whos are the epitome of everything commercialized and wrong with Christmas. Hmmmm, that's odd. I thought that the Whos were filled with genuine Christmas spirit. In the original story, they celebrated Christmas because they loved it. Didn't they? They knew the true meaning of Christmas. That was why they still celebrated even when they awoke to find all their presents gone. That is the whole reason that the Grinch reformed. Here, they lament the loss of their presents and are about to turn against each other until Cindy's dad gives a big speech. The loss of their presents actually makes them better people. So when the Grinch gives them back the presents they have lost, it all feels wrong. It just doesn't sit with the rest of the story, even though it is everything we expect.

Also, the back story that they have prepared for the Grinch sucks all the magic right the fuck out of it. It neuters the Grinch. The Grinch doesn't need a reason to hate Christmas. We all know why he hates Christmas. It's why we hate it ourselves sometimes. The motivation is not only lame, but it makes the Grinch less powerful. As does their decision to have him ruin Christmas before he steals it. It makes the whole ending anticlimactic. And it makes him less of a mystery and makes his stealing of Christmas less powerful.

This version of "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" actually is filled with everything that we hate about Christmas and everything that the cynics are often so right about. It is a commercialized, greedy movie filled with stupid and horrible people and it is about as fun to sit through as an insurance seminar. It comes pre-packaged with a happy meal and a line of toys and a shitty song by Faith Hill. It has a sitcom, treacly ending that only makes one want to flip off the screen and the Grinch's adventures and pithy one liners are neither relevant nor insightful nor amusing. This movie is one of those rare films that fails in just about every way that it is possible for a movie to fail. I generally like Ron Howard, but here....sigh. The production design is even gaudy and as noisy as the movie itself. This movie filled with me with bile and disgust and sadness in the knowledge that I had paid to be so disgusted. It made me feel bad for having given it seven dollars. I have, after all, encouraged this sort of thing.

Kids might enjoy this movie. But, since I want to have a little faith in the future of America, I hope not. I wish that you people in the general public would stop lining up for shit like this, I really would (hey, I just did it to review this thing). But you aren't going to listen to me anyway. Why do I even bother. Just remember when you see Adam Sandler portraying "Frosty the Snowman", complete with yellow snow, that you all brought this on yourselves.

	How The Grinch Stole Christmas! (2000)
	Rated: PG Runtime: 1 Hour and 44 Minutes Reviewer: Dale Grade: F A few years back, Jim Carrey did another movie sorta like this one. It was another movie where he wore green makeup and was outacted by a dog. That movie was known as "The Mask". The only difference between that one and this one is that "The Mask" was actually good. The only question I had while watching "The Grinch" was Why? Why did they waste all this money on a story that had already been told immaculately in a half-hour cartoon by animation maestro Chuck Jones? Why rape Dr. Seuss's beloved book? Why add a stupid subplot explaining why the Grinch hates Christmas? Why make the fucking movie at all? Why? WHY? WhY? Why? Why?Why? WHY? Why waste an hour and a half of my time and God knows how much of the director and the producer and Jim Carrey's time on this monstrosity? Why does Anthony Hopkins have anything to do with this misguided misuse of resources? It boggles my mind. I can almost explain why bad things happen to good people, but I can't for the life of me figure out this one. Oh, wait. Maybe I can after all. I think it was money. Pure and simple. A shitload of it, in fact. And that is too bad. No one is going to learn a lesson from this. This movie has made a ton of money at the box office and will probably go on to earn millions more through toy and happy meal and tie-in merchandise and video sales. And that is too bad. Because that means that the American public will be fed more insults to their intelligence as grossly inane and mentally damaging as this one. What don't I like about it? There are so many things that I scarcely know where to begin. First of all, you're a rotten Mr. Grinch, Jim Carrey. He tries, I give him that. But he tries way too hard. His performance is oddly miscalculated and is generally more annoying than funny. He has a moment or two of comic inspiration, but when stretched over an hour and a half of movie, that just ain't gonna cut it. The Grinch's faithful dog Max (poor dog never asked to be in this movie) is a better performer than nearly anyone else in the movie. Cindy Loo Who isn't that bad. Yes, she has moments of insufferable cuteness, but at least she isn't as awful as Carrey, who mugs relentlessly and to no effect. I thought that Carrey was done with all this after his brilliant roles in "The Truman Show" and "Man on the Moon". He deserved Oscars for those two. He deserves to be tarred and feathered for this one. Compared to this one, his talking out of his ass in "Ace Ventura" was restrained and subtle. Another problem: the Whos. I hated the Whos. No wonder the Grinch hates them. I wish he would have rode into town with an Uzi and dispatched them all, rather than just taking their presents. As it is, they suffer too gentle a fate. They are ugly, mean-spirited, immensely and insultingly stupid (if there were actual Whos in the world, they would be lining up to picket this film) and greedy. They are also as easily swayed as sheep. They follow their asshole of a mayor no matter what he tells them. Sure, they hop on Cindy Loo's side during the movie, but they seem to follow anyone who tells them anything, so one wonders just how long their changed ways are going to last. In this movie, the Whos are the epitome of everything commercialized and wrong with Christmas. Hmmmm, that's odd. I thought that the Whos were filled with genuine Christmas spirit. In the original story, they celebrated Christmas because they loved it. Didn't they? They knew the true meaning of Christmas. That was why they still celebrated even when they awoke to find all their presents gone. That is the whole reason that the Grinch reformed. Here, they lament the loss of their presents and are about to turn against each other until Cindy's dad gives a big speech. The loss of their presents actually makes them better people. So when the Grinch gives them back the presents they have lost, it all feels wrong. It just doesn't sit with the rest of the story, even though it is everything we expect. Also, the back story that they have prepared for the Grinch sucks all the magic right the fuck out of it. It neuters the Grinch. The Grinch doesn't need a reason to hate Christmas. We all know why he hates Christmas. It's why we hate it ourselves sometimes. The motivation is not only lame, but it makes the Grinch less powerful. As does their decision to have him ruin Christmas before he steals it. It makes the whole ending anticlimactic. And it makes him less of a mystery and makes his stealing of Christmas less powerful. This version of "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" actually is filled with everything that we hate about Christmas and everything that the cynics are often so right about. It is a commercialized, greedy movie filled with stupid and horrible people and it is about as fun to sit through as an insurance seminar. It comes pre-packaged with a happy meal and a line of toys and a shitty song by Faith Hill. It has a sitcom, treacly ending that only makes one want to flip off the screen and the Grinch's adventures and pithy one liners are neither relevant nor insightful nor amusing. This movie is one of those rare films that fails in just about every way that it is possible for a movie to fail. I generally like Ron Howard, but here....sigh. The production design is even gaudy and as noisy as the movie itself. This movie filled with me with bile and disgust and sadness in the knowledge that I had paid to be so disgusted. It made me feel bad for having given it seven dollars. I have, after all, encouraged this sort of thing. Kids might enjoy this movie. But, since I want to have a little faith in the future of America, I hope not. I wish that you people in the general public would stop lining up for shit like this, I really would (hey, I just did it to review this thing). But you aren't going to listen to me anyway. Why do I even bother. Just remember when you see Adam Sandler portraying "Frosty the Snowman", complete with yellow snow, that you all brought this on yourselves.