Rated:
PG-13
Runtime: 1 Hour
and 28 Minutes
Reviewer:
Dale
Grade: C-
A little Will Smith goes a long way. Trouble is, there is a LOT of
Will Smith in this movie.
"Men in Black 2" is a movie that, I suspect, believes it
is clever. It thinks that it is hip. It probably thinks that it is
funny. At least, the makers of the film probably do. It thinks that
it is a fantastic summer thrill ride (see the ads if you somehow doubt
this).
This film, and its makers, have been misinformed.
"Men in Black 2" is not a really terrible movie. But it's
got a lot of really terrible stuff in it. There are shining moments
of humor hidden amongst the dreck of this film, much like a really
tiny prize in the bottom of a box of Cracker Jacks. There is a really
clever joke at the beginning at the expense of underwear models that
made me laugh quite hard. The part where they visit their old buddy
Jeebs (Tony Shalhoub, whose head explodes yet again) is rather amusing.
And the worm guys are sporadically funny. But that's about it. Other
than that, this film is basically shit. If this film were a box of
Cracker Jacks, I would tell you that finding the prize was not worth
the effort. This film is so bad that not even the laconic and icily
deadpan presence of Tommy Lee Jones can save it. Even he looks lost
in the film (even when he isn't supposed to). He looks like a man
who wants to have a nice, long chat with his agent but instead must
finish this film.
The problems of this film are myriad. First of all, there is entirely
too much "hipper than thou" ghetto slang bandied about in
this film. I felt as though I had wandered into a third rate "Friday"
knockoff most of the time, rather than a sequel to "Men in Black".
I suspect that this was because Will was given entirely too much free
reign. By the time Tommy Lee shows up, you're thinking that he had
better be damned good if this film wants to score any points. He isn't,
and this film doesn't. The plot is exactly the same as the first film:
an alien comes to Earth and poses as a human in order to find a little
trinket which actually could mean the end of all life in the universe
if it fell into the wrong hands and a sweet woman must help the Men
in Black find it. The alien pretends to be a hot female this time
(Lara Flynn Boyle, showing enough flesh to make her scenes interesting
on, at least, that level) and the trinket is attached to a charm bracelet
rather than a cat's collar. Sadly, this is what passes for originality
in modern Hollywood. The sweet woman is okay. Rosario Dawson was actually
good in her scenes. And, in her scenes with Will, Will actually gives
something which approaches a performance. Tommy Lee, on the other
hand, seems to be on auto pilot. Rip Torn is entirely wasted as Zed.
I wanted to shoot Frank the Bulldog within three minutes (and that's
being generous). Tony Shalhoub, as always, seems to be acting in his
own private film, and I would have given a great deal of money to
see that one rather than this one. Judging from his performance, that
movie must have been a hell of a time.
Every moment turns into some absurd (and mostly unfunny) bit of wackiness.
The film seems to think that by being rambling and over-the-top, it
will, in turn, become quite hysterical. This is never the case. The
jokes just aren't funny. That's the biggest problem. Had the jokes
been funny, I still would've admired the movie simply for making me
laugh. But the jokes mostly aren't. A handful are (and some are funny
enough to make me, begrudging, give this film a "C-") but
most of them just shrivel up and die on the screen. Even the alien
species in the film are boring. They cover no new ground. We've seen
them all before. "Men in Black 2" is just like "Men
In Black", except without the funny parts. Or the wit. Or the
plot. There is no plot to this film: just the threadbare ghost of
one that serves as the flimsiest connective tissue between one unfunny
moment and the next alleged gut buster. It's a hollow, lifeless enterprise
that is noisy to cover the fact that no one is laughing. It's a mess
that aims for the wallet rather than the heart. It seems content to
have suckered you into giving it your money. It doesn't bother to
actually entertain you. The first one was subtle and sharp and a whole
lot of fun. This is the worst Sonnenfeld movie of all time. It's far
worse than the charming "Big
Trouble" (which squeaked out of theaters faster than a kid
caught in the act of sneaking into one) and can't hold a candle to
the "Addams Family" movies, which Sonnenfeld also did. I
can't connect this movie with the man who made "Get Shorty".
Hell, this movie's even worse than "Wild, Wild West". That
movie entertained me on some level. This one barely entertained me
on any. Trust me. Just don't even bother.
P.S.- I didn't even mention Johnny
Knoxville! He's even more horrible than you might imagine! Just ghastly!
And he has two heads, neither of which has anything pertinent to say.
He follows Lara Flynn Boyle around like a lobotomized puppy, providing
yet another groan-inducing example of a villain who is supposedly
a genius, yet has the most worthless henchman you could possibly imagine.
He's just another terrible ingredient in the shit pie that is "Men
in Black 2".