A Fistful of Reviews - Space Cowboys (2000)

Rated: PG-13
Runtime: 2 Hours and 10 Minutes

Reviewer: Jones
Grade: A+

Ahhhh.... Clint Eastwood. How I love thee. Let me count the ways.

1. "The Good, The Bad and The Ugly" - My favorite film of all time. What more needs to be said? That's right. Not a damn thing. If you've seen it you know where I'm coming from. If you haven't you should immediately extricate your head from your ass and check it out as soon as possible.

2. "Dirty Harry" - The ultimate cop movie. Clint takes shit off of no one and in this movie he makes that abundantly clear. It is so cool how he.....

Oh yeah..... This is supposed to be a "Space Cowboys" review. Not a Clint Eastwood love letter. That will have to wait until another day.

Early this year (shortly after witnessing 1999's grossly overlooked best film "Magnolia" for the first time) I declared that "Space Cowboys" would be the film to end all films in the year 2000.

So far, I am looking like a bloody prophet. "Space Cowboys" is THE film of the year. It has it all. Laughs, heartbreak, action and suspense to name a few of the key ingredients. Now you're probably thinking that Jones really went off the deep end this time. Before you go passing any unsound judgments, allow me to explain myself.

"Space Cowboys" is the story of four old dogs who find a way to get back in the saddle for a ride they should have taken decades before. A ride into outer space.

After Frank (Clint "GOD" Eastwood) gets passed over for the chair of honor in an inaugural ride to space by being replaced by the previous step in evolution, he never manages to get a ride into space. He did, although, manage to design a satellite guidance system however. His fellow aviators faired no better in catching the next flight to the moon and subsequently found different callings in life.

Fast forward forty+ years to the present day. Clint has evolved from the mythic "Man With No Name" into the "Man Who Installs Garage Door Openers For His Own Livelihood". It is a logical step and a necessary one. It introduces us to Clint's character with a smile and a laugh, which is a most definite sign of things to come.

NASA calls upon Clint to help them rectify a situation that is brewing with a Russian communications satellite. It turns out the guidance system that Clint designed so long ago, has been installed on this Russian satellite. None of the flunkies at NASA have a clue as to how to work on the equipment. This is where Clint comes in.

Clint is understandably pissed that his system made it's way into enemy hands at the height of the "Cold War" but, realizing the implications of the situation, agrees to help with one small requirement on his behalf. He and his old buddies get to jockey the shuttle into space in order to save the day. NASA says no at first, but, after the national papers get ahold of the story, they realize that they have no other option than to go along with Clint's plan.

Enter the remainder of the cast to end all casts: Donald Sutherland, Tommy Lee Jones and James Garner round out the crew. From this point on we get to see how good of a movie "Armageddon" could have been, had it been done well. Problem is that movie had Michael Bay directing it, whereas this film had Clint Eastwood. I think the differences have been illustrated perfectly by that comparison. We have the training sequence that is filled with laughs, laughs, and more laughs. I haven't laughed this hard in ages. This is by far the funniest film of the year. It pisses on "Scary Movie" and I don't even need to see "The Klumps" to know that it pisses on that as well. Eventually they make it to space and the shit hits the fan.
There is as much suspense in the second half of the film as there are laughs in the first half.
Why can't there be more movies like this nowadays?

Sorry if I'm rambling, but this is what happens when I see a great movie. Particularly a great CLINT movie. Have I mentioned that he is GOD? I probably have, but just in case I haven't I'll say it again. CLINT EASTWOOD IS GOD. There. Now that, that's been done. On to the rest of the cast.

Donald Sutherland is nothing short of comic gold in any role he plays. He is at his best in this film. I don't think anyone, with the possible exception of Mr. John Cusack, can convey so much through facial expressions alone. The look of pride on his face as he stands in his birthday suit alongside his geriatric brethren while getting his physical (On a side note, I must say that I nearly died of laughter during this scene). The scene with the optometrist. The scene with...... Let's just say his mere presence onscreen will bring a "Grinch-like" smile to your face.

James Garner is a treat as always playing a Baptist minister of all things. He keeps his good luck "Hula girl" doll with him at all times. Even at the pulpit. I would like to know why this man is not in more movies. It's like he has been forgotten in recent years. Maybe that is by choice, but then again maybe it is not. Tommy Lee Jones rounds out the viagra all stars, by throwing a new shade on the determined sort of character we have seen him play so many times before. He and Clint had a falling out some years before, but now they are forced to grow up and make amends in order to preserve the American way of life.

I don't know what more needs to be said to put your ass in the seat. The cast alone is worth the price of admission. What the cast does throughout the course of the film is priceless. If you don't see this film the moment it opens you are only cheating yourself. And I swear. If you see some worthless sack of dung like "The Klumps" or "Coyote Ugly" instead, then you are a disgrace for a human being. So just go and see "Space Cowboys" so my opinion of all you wonderful people out there in cyberspace won't be ruined.

P.S. - Mr. Eastwood. If you're reading this (yeah right!) I would just like to thank you for once again blessing my eyes with another of your fine films. May there be many more in your future. Thank you again. - Jason

Reviewer: Dale
Grade: A

You should already be planning on seeing this one in the theater. After all, it has one of the best casts in recent movie history. You've got Clint Eastwood (if you don't believe that he is one of cinema's only true gods, just ask Jones, he'll clear things up for you), James Garner (excellent in films like "The Great Escape" and "Maverick"), Tommy Lee Jones (the only thing that made "The Fugitive" successful), Donald Sutherland (savior of "The Dirty Dozen", great in "Kelly's Heroes", creepy in "Backdraft" and one of many funny touches in "Animal House") and James Cromwell (who, after snagging an Oscar nomination for talking to a pig, went on to become one of those character actors who is a secret sign that a film will have quality).

But just in case you need any other reasons, I decided to write a review.
"Space Cowboys" is the story of a group of men who were the ones who were supposed to pioneer space travel. They were right on the verge of doing so too, until their project was shut down and the whole thing turned over to NASA and a bunch of chimps.

Forty years later, there is some trouble with a Russian satellite that, for mysterious reasons, has an American guidance system on board although it was built during the Cold War. Clint designed the system, so they enlist his help to fix it. Clint agrees, on one condition: all the old farts that were in on the original program get to come along. Thus, Donald and James Garner and Tommy Lee get called into action. They go through astronaut training, in scenes that make "Armageddon" look utterly lame by comparison, and get ready. I loved the subtle little differences between each of the characters, and the ways that these little hints of subtext paid off, marvelously. Tommy Lee is a crop-dusting cowboy, Donald is a chick magnet (it's even funnier than it sounds, the scene in which he has to turn his head and cough for an attractive nurse might have you gasping for air and choking on your popcorn), and James Garner is a born-again Christian, who isn't entirely saintly. It's so damn cool. I fell in love with the movie at this point. It was a love affair that lasted all the way through the end credits (which I stayed for, out of respect).

But yet, I was a little worried. I liked the first half of "Armageddon" too, but then they went into space and it all went to shit. Fear not, friends, nothing like that happens this time. I think the main problem with "Armageddon" (aside from the animal crackers scene, ICK) was that the whole thing that they are trying to do is a bore. Ultimately, it's just not that thrilling to see a bunch of guys trying to drill a hole in a rock. But the space heroics in "Space Cowboys" are as gripping as the ones in "Apollo 13", and the movie itself is a lot more fun. I was so happy that the movie did not let me down.

Not only that, but it pays off on events set up earlier in the movie, and masterfully. At the beginning of the movie you see Garner flying a jet with a Hula girl jiggling on the dashboard. Later on, at a crucial point during the space mission, he puts the Hula girl on the dash of the shuttle. The filmmakers didn't have to do that. It would have been a great film without that little touch. But they did it. They cared enough to put that in, just for a little extra smile.

I don't know about you, but every time a movie gives me a little extra, I am impressed. This is the best Eastwood movie since "In the Line of Fire" and the most fun space movie since "The Fifth Element". Good times are hard to find at the cinema these days, but "Space Cowboys" is a thrilling example of just how good a fun movie can be, by adding little benefits like having us care about the characters, throwing in intelligent humor, and adding plot twists that truly surprise us, rather than the variety that we can spot coming a mile away.

"Space Cowboys" is a relentlessly entertaining movie by a group of consummate pros. You owe it to yourself to see this film.

P.S. - Incidentally, as I was on my way out of this movie, the girl whose job it is to distribute the mints was flirting with me. On that basis alone, it rates an "A". If you're reading this, you beautiful goddess of mint dispersal, email me sometime and we could do something.

Thank you, Clint!