The
Whole Nine Yards
(2000)
Rated: R
Runtime: 1 Hour and 38 Minutes
Reviewer: Jones
Grade: A-Over a decade ago a star was born. His name is Bruce Willis. He has made his reputation (and his millions) blowing the shit out of anything and everything that stood in his path. He did this in the New York of Present day ("Die Hard With a Vengeance") and of the future ("The Fifth Element"). Despite all of these scars of the action film wars, Mr. Willis finds his acting roots firmly entrenched in the comedy genre. On the silver screen it began with his very first film ("Blind Date"), which was preceded by the always enchanting TV series "Moonlighting".
Now it continues with a refreshingly original laughfest that goes by the name of "The Whole Nine Yards".
"The Whole Nine Yards" is the story of Nicholas "Oz" Oseransky (Matthew Perry). Oz is a dentist by day and a disenchanted husband for every waking moment spent outside the office.
His wife Sophie (Rosanna Arquette) is making his life a living hell, while keeping him around simply to pay off her father's debt. She has even entertained the thought of having her husband bumped off so she can become debt free by way of his insurance money. What a life, huh? This woman makes candle wax on the nipples sound like a good idea in comparison.
Could things get any worse for Oz?
Damn bloody straight they can! Wouldn't be much of a movie if they didn't.
Enter Oz's new next-door neighbor Jimmy "The Tulip" Tudeski (Bruce Willis). Jimmy seems like an allright guy to Oz until about two minutes after they meet. That is when Oz realizes who it is that he is sharing a property line with. Turns out Jimmy is a former contract killer for some mobsters down in Chicago, but he ratted on some of the gang in order to get his sentence reduced. Now that he is out you can bet that there are people out there who would very much like to know his whereabouts.
Enter Oz. His wife cooks up a plan to turn Jimmy in for a "finder's fee". If all goes well she will give him the divorce he so desperately wants. That is all the motivation Oz needs to get his ass on the next plane to Chicago. However, once he arrives there he has a change of heart and doesn't want anything bad to happen to Jimmy. Problem is, he's gone too far and the bodies are inevitably going to pile up before the situation is rectified. What follows are a lot of laughs and even a few twists and turns to keep you guessing along the way.
The best thing this film has going for it (other than the inspired script) is the cast. There is not a weak performance among the whole lot of them. First and foremost is the performance of Matthew Perry as Oz. He provides the majority of laughs both physically and verbally. He takes a character that could have been incredibly thinly and unimaginatively played and turns him into the nerve-wracked, in over his head yutz that you will find yourself rooting for as the film progresses. Bruce Willis gives a fine performance as "The Tulip". He brings a livelihood and exuberance to this character that thinks divorce is a sin, but wouldn't bat an eye at making someone's life end in an unpleasant manner. He is such a gifted comic actor. It's a shame we don't get to see him in more of these roles. It's nice to see him enjoying himself onscreen, as he appears to be in this film. Let's hope we see more of the same from him in the future.
Other notable performances are delivered by Kevin Pollak ("End of Days"), Michael Clarke Duncan ("The Green Mile"), and Amanda Peet. Pollak provides many of the films laugh with his portrayal of Janni Gogolack, the head of the Chicago group that wants Jimmy dead. Just listening to him speak had me rolling with laughter at a number of moments in the movie.
Duncan plays Frankie Figs, who is one of Tudeski's former associates. Probably the film's most charming performance is given by Amanda Peet, as Jill St. Claire. She is Oz's dental assistant, but she really harbors dreams of being a "cleaner" in the not-to-distant future. Much like Perry, she brings a lot of physical humor to her role, while somehow conveying a sense of knowledge through her "oh, duh" "Clueless"-like speech. Seeing her run around naked while wielding a gun was quite an inspiration as well. Not to be missed for sure.
"The Whole Nine Yards" is a charming comedy that will more than likely soon be forgotten by the majority of the public. I hope that is not the case, but more often than not, dick and fart jokes seem to rule the day when it comes to comedy for most people. For those of you who like their comedy in a more streamlined, witty package..... "The Whole Nine Yards" is just what the doctor ordered. It will keep you laughing from first frame to last and even afterwards when you recall certain moments from the film. That's when you know when you've got a good one on your hands. When you can recall certain scenes from memory and laugh just the same as you did the first time you saw them. Kinda like that scene when "The Tulip" asks Oz if he likes living in Canada to which Oz responds, "I've been married." Cracks me up every time I think about it.
P.S. - Bruce, I love ya man, but you've gotta lay off these movies with the child co-stars. It's getting downright embarrassing. Could you please blow the shit out of something one last time? Please?