The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across The Eighth Dimension

Rated: PG
Runtime: 1 Hour and 56 Minutes

Reviewer: Dale
Grade: F

Gather round, children, as I tell you of perhaps the worst film I have ever had the misfortune to watch. A film of ghastly incompetence that is, despite being a large toilet clog in the commode that is bad films, somehow hailed as some sort of visionary cinematic masterpiece. God only knows why. Actually, God probably doesn't even know.

It starts with this guy named "Buckaroo Banzai". Apparently, in a time that is unspecified, Buckaroo is some kind of a folk hero. Or something. He is a neurosurgeon, a cowboy, the lead singer in a rock band, an astronaut, and a race car driver. He is also the leader of a group of men who do nothing but run around and save the world. I think.

Suddenly, an evil lizard (or something) who is also a scientist (played embarrassingly by John Lithgow) starts to.... uh, well, I'm not exactly sure what he does. But it involves some of the worst alien makeup I have ever seen. And there is this gadget that can transport people through solid matter and these aliens want it and,,,,, AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I can't describe it anymore. I just can't! Why? Because there is absolutely no way to describe this film's plot. In fact, I don't even know if it had a plot. All I know is that my brain started to hurt as I watched it. I had to turn it off about three quarters of the way through. I had to. I couldn't take it anymore. My brain was going to melt and squirm out my ears accompanied by puffs of smoke if I tried to watch any more of it.

Why did I rent it? Well, it sounded promising. I mean, any movie where a guy is a neurosurgeon, a rock star and an adventurous astronaut, well, that sounds fairly amusing. And, aside from that, I usually like those crazy, zany cult films. I own "Army of Darkness" on DVD, for crying out loud. And I am proud to admit it! But this was too much even for me. There is nothing redeeming about any part of this film. It seems to be trying to be a hip, quirky update of a 1930's serial. But at least the old serials were more fun. This Eighties Rock Band meets Doc Savage thing may have worked for some people (although I suspect marijuana involvement) but it did not for me. I could have enjoyed the hammy, so-over-the-top-that-the-top-is-no-longer-visible acting styles of everyone involved. I could have liked the cheesy effects. I like most of the actors involved. But it was all assembled very messily this time. The action scenes, such as they are, are not engaging or rousing or fun. The plot is an incoherent jumble. The whole affair strives much too hard for the sort of quirky, fun-loving spirit that just comes naturally in films like "Army of Darkness" or even "Big Trouble in Little China" (which does everything this movie tries to do, and with a giddy twinkle in its eye) and just ends up being way too damn busy. Jeff Goldblum, Peter Weller, Ellen Barkin, Christopher Lloyd and John Lithgow are all involved in this, and I usually like just about all of them. Here, I just felt sorry for them.

In short, this film is the cinematic equivalent of the fecal demon in "Dogma", only cheesier. So, please, do not even start watching "The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai". Trust me, nothing good can possibly come of it.

Jesus, "Howard the Duck" was better than this!!!!!!!!