Runtime: 1 Hour
and 56 Minutes
Gather round, children, as I tell you of perhaps the worst film I
have ever had the misfortune to watch. A film of ghastly incompetence
that is, despite being a large toilet clog in the commode that is
bad films, somehow hailed as some sort of visionary cinematic masterpiece.
God only knows why. Actually, God probably doesn't even know.
It starts with this guy named "Buckaroo Banzai". Apparently,
in a time that is unspecified, Buckaroo is some kind of a folk hero.
Or something. He is a neurosurgeon, a cowboy, the lead singer in a
rock band, an astronaut, and a race car driver. He is also the leader
of a group of men who do nothing but run around and save the world.
Suddenly, an evil lizard (or something) who is also a scientist (played
embarrassingly by John Lithgow) starts to.... uh, well, I'm not exactly
sure what he does. But it involves some of the worst alien makeup
I have ever seen. And there is this gadget that can transport people
through solid matter and these aliens want it and,,,,, AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
I can't describe it anymore. I just can't! Why? Because there is absolutely
no way to describe this film's plot. In fact, I don't even know if
it had a plot. All I know is that my brain started to hurt as I watched
it. I had to turn it off about three quarters of the way through.
I had to. I couldn't take it anymore. My brain was going to melt and
squirm out my ears accompanied by puffs of smoke if I tried to watch
any more of it.
Why did I rent it? Well, it sounded promising. I mean, any movie where
a guy is a neurosurgeon, a rock star and an adventurous astronaut,
well, that sounds fairly amusing. And, aside from that, I usually
like those crazy, zany cult films. I own "Army
of Darkness" on DVD, for crying out loud. And I am proud
to admit it! But this was too much even for me. There is nothing redeeming
about any part of this film. It seems to be trying to be a hip, quirky
update of a 1930's serial. But at least the old serials were more
fun. This Eighties Rock Band meets Doc Savage thing may have worked
for some people (although I suspect marijuana involvement) but it
did not for me. I could have enjoyed the hammy, so-over-the-top-that-the-top-is-no-longer-visible
acting styles of everyone involved. I could have liked the cheesy
effects. I like most of the actors involved. But it was all assembled
very messily this time. The action scenes, such as they are, are not
engaging or rousing or fun. The plot is an incoherent jumble. The
whole affair strives much too hard for the sort of quirky, fun-loving
spirit that just comes naturally in films like "Army
of Darkness" or even "Big Trouble in Little China"
(which does everything this movie tries to do, and with a giddy twinkle
in its eye) and just ends up being way too damn busy. Jeff Goldblum,
Peter Weller, Ellen Barkin, Christopher Lloyd and John Lithgow are
all involved in this, and I usually like just about all of them. Here,
I just felt sorry for them.
In short, this film is the cinematic equivalent of the fecal demon
in "Dogma", only cheesier. So, please,
do not even start watching "The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai".
Trust me, nothing good can possibly come of it.
Jesus, "Howard the Duck"
was better than this!!!!!!!!